FTM Homebirth Story: The Birth of Ebony
Birth story written by Emma Barrett (birthing mother)
When my husband and I fell pregnant with our first baby we knew we wanted to have a home water birth. Saying it like that makes it seem like the decision was easy for us however the truth is that we spent many months exploring pregnancy and labour care before we even started trying to conceive. I had always looked forward to the day that I was to become a mum (just ask my husband and he’ll tell you that the baby name discussions started long before there was even a ring on my finger!) and so with this came a natural curiosity about birth and what it would be like. I wanted to hear as many birth stories as possible however I found that people were quick to share their traumatic experiences. It almost felt like a competition of who had the most traumatic story. My curiosity led me to seek out positive birth stories. I was amazed at how many women used words such as ‘empowering’ and ‘enjoyable’, ‘primal’ and ‘powerful’ and I became determined to do whatever I could to have vocabulary like that be part of my birth story. So in the early hours of Good Friday 2023 I saw two pink lines and our home birth journey began.
Pregnancy started out with some challenges as the morning sickness was relentless and I was unable to work for the first few months. I spent that time curled up on the couch, in bed or at the bottom of the shower. At 15+2, a sudden reprieve from nausea brought relief, setting the tone for a more enjoyable pregnancy.
As soon as we were pregnant we had applied for the Community Midwifery Program (CMP) where we lived in Perth, Western Australia. We started seeing our midwife for appointments around 18 weeks gestation. We always looked forward to the appointments as she was so caring, friendly and had an abundance of knowledge and experience. She presented information to us and then allowed us to make our own informed decisions. While some viewed our choice to home birth as ‘brave’ and ‘risky’, we knew it offered us the best chance at having a natural and empowering birth without the looming cascade of interventions that hospital tends to bring.
As my guess date approached, I tried many things to encourage labour: foot massages, raspberry leaf tea, clary sage oil, bouncing on an exercise ball and endless walks. Despite these efforts, our little one was in no hurry. My midwife tried two stretch and sweeps but even at 41 weeks my cervix was still closed. At 41+3 we had a check up at the maternity hospital where it was confirmed that all was well and we were cleared to home birth up until 42 weeks gestation.
Labour began very subtly when at 41+4 I noted the faintest hint of my mucous plug in my underwear. As the day progressed, I felt gentle tightenings ripple across my belly, so light that I questioned their existence. My husband placed his hands on my belly and confirmed the tightening sensations. I noticed when I hand expressed colostrum the tightenings increased in frequency so I did this throughout the day. We also did what we could to create a relaxing environment and keep my oxytocin flowing; fairy lights cast a warm glow, boardgames provided distraction and laughter, baking filled the air with favourite scents and foot massages from my husband provided relaxation. As evening arrived, the tightenings persisted and were coming every half an hour. They were easy to ignore though so we went about our usual bedtime routine and were asleep by 9pm.
Contractions woke me at 10pm and 11pm however I settled back to sleep easily afterwards. At 12pm I woke with an intense contraction that had me running to the toilet as a wave of nausea overtook me. From this point onwards sleep was elusive as the frequency and intensity of contractions picked up. I woke my husband and asked him to create a comfortable space for me on the lounge with pillows, blankets and fairy lights turned on. I wanted him to be able to continue getting as much sleep as possible. Another hour or two passed and I woke my husband again so he could help put the tens machine pads on my back. He also laid out my yoga mat so I could kneel more comfortably through contractions and he got me some iced water before returning to bed once again. As the world around me slept, I continued to move through each contraction, hoping they wouldn’t fade away and would bring me closer to the moment we had long awaited.
As the early morning hours melted into dawn, I found myself immersed in the world of labour; breathing through each contraction and then leaving it behind as I awaited the next. When my husband awoke at 5am, each contraction was 3 minutes apart. He suggested calling Barb (our birth support partner who was my best friend’s mum and a retired midwife) but I didn’t want to disturb her sleep unnecessarily early. We waited a little while longer to call and she came around 7am. My husband suggested calling our midwife but I kept declining initially. I was worried that the contractions would fade away so I wanted to be certain I was in labour and baby would be coming that day. The CMP program have guidelines on how long the midwife can be present before needing to transfer to hospital and I wanted to maximise that time as much as possible.
I spent the morning working through contractions with my tens machine. I had such a strong desire to squat and sway and lunge and circle my hips through the contractions. I tried listening to music with headphones but I didn’t like how it distracted me too much from moving and breathing through the contractions. My midwife arrived around 9am. I don’t remember her coming in the door and unpacking however I remember her checking my blood pressure and baby’s heart rate after I had a shower. Baby’s heart rate was slightly high and my midwife felt it was because I was dehydrated from vomiting and not eating or drinking. Something which surprised me in labour was the vomiting and nausea. After every contraction I felt an intense wave of nausea. The midwife asked my husband to make me a hydralyte drink and when she gave me the okay I got in the pool.
The incredible relief I felt when the warm water enveloped my whole body is something I will never forget. The contractions really slowed down in the pool which gave me some reprieve. I even managed to sleep between some of them. I spent hours in the pool and with time my contractions started increasing in frequency again. My waters broke at 12.42pm while in the water. Despite being so ‘over due’ they were clear and my midwife observed pieces of vernix floating in the water.
As the contractions continued I started getting pain in my back and it started to sound like I was bearing down. These were some of the most painful contractions. My midwife suggested I got out of the pool and tried some different positions. I tried kneeling for a bit and then she suggested some lunges with my leg up on a chair. She spoon fed me strawberry sorbet while I laboured in this position as I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours. She noted a slight amount of blood and offered to do a cervical check. She gave me the choice of knowing how dilated I was but I didn’t want to know as I thought if I found out I was only 4 or 5 cm then I’d feel defeated and would struggle to find the energy to continue. My midwife then suggested I laid down on the couch on my side with my leg bent at the knee, resting on a fit ball. I later found out that I was 8cm and baby wasn’t in an ideal position so my midwife was trying to encourage baby to move. Laying there was so incredibly uncomfortable. My midwife helped hold my leg in place and after some intense contractions in this position I suddenly let out a roar and everyone knew there had been a shift; I was now fully dilated and that was my body’s first push.
I got back in the pool. Suddenly I felt like a cloud lifted and I came out of my hazy state. I said I was hungry and asked for a muesli bar. It was the driest thing I could have eaten and I remember it was hard to chew and swallow but it was so delicious. I was happy and chatting like nothing was happening at all. Then after this well needed break, my body started pushing. I felt like I had no control over this, I couldn’t stop it if I tried. I don’t remember it being painful until baby’s head started to crown. I tried different positions; to start with I found kneeling best, then I got on all fours and then I really wanted to sit upright so I braced my legs against the pool walls and pushed my bottom into the seat in the pool so my bottom was off the ground. That’s where I stayed until baby was born. My favourite part about the pushing phase was being able to feel baby’s head descend further and further down by reaching in with a finger.
At 4:48pm, in the warmth of the birthing pool, surrounded by the gentle glow of fairy lights, our precious baby entered the world. With the head coming out transverse and the cord wrapped around the neck, my husband and midwife swiftly reached in and gently spun baby around to untangle the cord. My husband then brought baby up out of the water and onto my chest. I was so excited to find out the gender that I lifted baby straight back up…”it’s a girl!” I announced. I laid our darling daughter back onto my chest and she laid quietly listening to my heart beat. My husband jumped in the pool and wrapped his arm around the both of us. Baby girl started to cry and I cried right along with her, marvelling at what I had just done. Our dream had come true; I birthed our baby within the quiet sanctuary of our home. I trusted my body and had an incredibly empowering, beautiful and magical birth. I suddenly knew what they truly mean when they say not only is baby born but the mother too.
A note from Nikola;
You too can have an empowering experience for your first birth! Get in touch with me if you have any questions about homebirth or how we can work together. Let’s chat!
If you would like to share your homebirth story please get in contact with me nikola@illuminatewithnikola.com
Together we can change our birthing culture and make transformational birth normal again.
