FTM Homebirth Story: The Birth of Arius

Birth story written by Alaura

It was Thursday morning and I had an appointment with my traditional chinese medicine doctor. I had been going weekly for a few months now to prepare for birthing and we were going to do a session of acupuncture and cupping focused on preparing the body for birth (not specifically induction). Trent had taken the morning off work so he could bring me to the appointment, he was more confident than me that the time was nearing as the day before I had been to my chiro appointment and she had wished me luck because “I probably won’t see you for your Friday appointment”. She said she could feel in my body that I was close to labour, and reflecting back on this now, I knew something had shifted within me and my body felt different. I had been having mild cramps all morning but they had calmed down to nothing after a few hours so I brushed it off. This was my first baby and I had read that you can cramp for days and weeks before the birth.

After my treatment I met Trent at a neighbouring cafe to grab lunch and sit for a coffee, taking everything slow. On the drive home I began to time my increasing cramps as Trent wanted to start keeping track of them. He was still more convinced than me, after all, I had read and been told so many times "firstborns are never on time". Little did I know Arius would make a perfectly timed appearance, right on his due date.

I was brushing the sensations off at this point as just cramps and after a few hours they fizzled out again. The same as yesterday I thought and went on with my day as usual. Our hypnobirthing teacher had said the best thing to do when you are in labour is to be in denial and just get on with things, little did I know this is what I was inadvertently doing.

I don’t remember much of what I did for the rest of the day but once evening came Trent was making me dinner while I rested, we were watching metalocalypse dvds as at this point we had exhausted all our favourite series on the tv. I was in alot of back pain (sciatica) at this point of the pregnancy and moving was painful so I spent alot of time surrendering to the couch.
My cramps had returned and they were stronger this time, and I thought about how we had been told alot of labours start in the evening, I had wondered if this really was happening now so I began timing the cramps again. They were very menstrua-esque but we soon realised they were progressing, they were coming around every 5-10 minutes. Trent was convinced I was in labour but I was still not sure. We messaged our doula (Kirtsen) around 8pm for her opinion and upon agreeing with Trent, she offered to come sit with us. Around this time I had also noticed the cats were acting a bit weird. The atmosphere shifted here and a buzz came over our home, it was exciting! Trent was dancing and we decided to switch what we were watching to something less intense and put on one of our favourite funny series to keep me relaxed and in a good mood.

Kirsten arrived about 10pm and we had a chat about how I was feeling, which was good and still not totally convinced I was in labour. After sitting for a while in the lounge we decided to all get some sleep while everything was still early, the contractions were mild and I was easily talking through them and carrying on as usual. Trent and I went to the bedroom and Kirsten bunkered down on our lounge. I remember laying in bed for about 10 minutes just breathing and feeling the sensations in my body, the cramping had intensified since laying down and I was very uncomfortable. This would be a recurring theme throughout the birth, my body did not want me in that position.

I roused Trent and to him I didn’t want to lay down and couldn’t fall asleep so we went back into the lounge to sit with Kirsten again. We put a live Heilung ritual on the tv and lit some candles while Trent and Kirsten setup the pool. We sat around while listening to the music and chatting. Kirsten offered her tens machine and put it on for me. She showed me how I could press a button when I had a surge and the tens would increase in power to counteract it. I soon realised my breathing was increasing with each wave as it rolled over me and next the frequency in which I was hitting the tens machine button was increasing.

Pretty soon I was struggling to maintain a conversation, drifting out halfway through a sentence as my body was pulling me inwards. After that I was on my knees, leaning over the couch with my head down, retreating further and further inside myself, starting to vocalise and hitting that tens machine button even more. At this moment I realised that this was it and I surrendered to the journey.

After this moment I can’t fully recall the full experience, as I drifted in and out of a sort of consciousness. Even after a few months there are just parts I don’t remember. I believe we venture to another realm to collect our babies when we labour, the hormones whisking us away, and in those moments we’re completely unaware of what is happening around us, and when the contraction surges all I could focus on was concentrated breath and focus on progressing through it. I remember being on my knees on the floor for what felt like hours and my legs were shaking so aggressively I couldn’t stand, they did not function like they used to and the trembling rippled through my entire body. Our friend’s daughter arrived as she was coming to witness and be support and she sat with me and rested a hand on me while Trent was massaging my back. In that moment it felt like I had a sister with me and I was so thankful she was there.

I’m unsure of when our midwife arrived but I do remember hearing Trent on the phone calling her. Reflecting back it feels like I was asleep for parts of it, coming in and out of a dream, drifting further away each time a surge retreated and turning more inwards until I almost didn’t exist. I’m unsure of the space of time between then and asking if I could get in the pool yet, but I knew it would help alleviate some of the pain I was starting to feel. I was making peace with it, I knew it was productive pain, almost in the same way you sit through a tattoo - the pain is much different but you know you get something at the end of it so you welcome it. I remember sinking into the silky warm water which enveloped me and seemed to emphasise the liminal space I was floating in. It felt so nice on my skin and melted me away.

But after spending time drifting in the pool my midwife asked me to hop out of the water, I was unimpressed but she explained my contractions had gotten weaker and the labour had slowed down, we had got in the pool too soon, I was too relaxed and she wanted to get me moving around again to help the labour progress - this is not an uncommon occurrence in water births. Getting out of the pool was miserable and uncomfortable, I needed help doing just about anything that involved my legs as the shaking was just too much for me to manage on my own.

Trent asked me to go to the bedroom with him to spend some time with just the two of us. I laboured on the bed with Trent holding me, kneeling with me he tried to encourage some slow swaying and dancing with me to help my body keep moving and opening. My unrelenting shaking legs were making everything so hard and soon I was on all fours again as the surges poured back over. Our midwife came into the bedroom and offered for the first time an exam to see how dilated I was. I accepted out of curiosity of my own progression which I had no sense of. A contraction came as she was performing the exam and it was the worst thing I have ever felt so I had to ask her to stop, which she did immediately. She told me I was 4cm dilated and upon hearing this I felt a little disheartened. I could see sunlight peeking through our bedroom curtains and knew it was now morning and I'd been labouring all night. Our midwife suggested trying to get some rest between the contractions as it had been a good few hours of labouring and I was starting to get tired.

Trent laid down with me on the bed so I could rest my body but almost instantly I was in agony, laying down was an absolute no for my body, i’m guessing it was how baby was positioned that just made laying down very painful. I sat up on the edge of the bed and was beginning to dwell on the 4cm dilation again and then I started vomiting. I was suddenly more conscious of everything I was feeling and was not being taken off the planet anymore. I was far too grounded and in my head which is not where I wanted to be.

I had eaten only a single bite of banana and a few sips of powerade since dinner the night before but it felt like I vomited alot. At this moment I remember staring into the bag and thinking “I’m not sure how much more I can take”. I was exhausted. I was so tired, I was being sick, I couldn’t lay down, I couldn’t stand, I felt like my body was protesting and it was hard to embrace that. But as I sat and thought about everything I had learnt about labouring, I remembered transition, the moment most women succumb, when your body aches for you to give in, when you say/feel like you just can’t do it anymore and I reminded myself “this is normal, this is expected, this is exactly what is supposed to happen, you’re almost there, you could go from 4cm to 10cm in a hour and baby will be here, just keep going”. And that’s what I did, it took more hours than one for baby to arrive, but I didn’t have another moment of doubt after that.

Knowledge is power and being my first birth everything I was feeling was so new to me and there were moments I wasn’t sure if it was normal. Being able to identify what was happening in my body I was able to reassure myself that I had read about it and it was ok, it was progress and this was enough to keep me going. Any moment I wasn’t sure about what I was feeling in my body I would glance at my midwife who was happily sitting at our dining table drinking coffee, so I knew everything was ok.

Kirsten suggested that I sit backwards on the toilet or the “dilation station” the theory being when we sit on the toilet our bodies know to relax and release. I laboured on the toilet for a while with the tens machine again then I was back on the floor in the lounge room. I remember my vocalisations increasing at this point as I worked through surges and then my midwife asking me to do the unthinkable, walk back to labour on the toilet but with high legs, every step my knee to my chest, to help shift baby down. It was unpleasant and I can remember it was the one time in the whole birth I felt annoyed and pissed off, but I knew it was good for the progression and I would do what I had to. My legs were shaking and I had to be guided by our midwife and Trent holding my hands. I went through the kitchen and squatted down through a contraction near the dishwasher, then again in the hallway in a deep squat while Trent supported me. Then I was back on the toilet with my head resting on a pillow, breathing and moaning through the surges. I began asking for the pool again.

I resentfully did another high legged walk back to the pool. I was so very unhappy about it. I had a contraction on the edge of the couch with Trent hugging me and then I was back in the water. I laboured in the pool a while and remember feeling things change again. In the moment I wasn’t sure if it was the warm water relaxing me but I now believe it was the shift of baby getting ready to journey down and join us. Everything felt a little more peaceful, the waves were still coming but they somehow felt further apart. I breathed and sounded through them as I changed positions in the water and leant against the edge of the pool where I could be with Trent, his loving touch and all his gentle, encouraging words.

I was in my head again, worrying that the water was relaxing me too much, things were slowing down and I was hindering my own progress. But I heard our midwife's voice say “baby will be here soon” and I let it all go. Shortly after that the assistant midwife arrived, she comes to assist in the birthing stage but not the labour, so I knew he would be here soon.

And then it happened, another shift, sensations changed and a sudden drop back into self, like coming back into my body more fully and out of a haze. I was aware of a sort of pushing sensation while also becoming more focused on things around me. I wasn’t bothered by it, but I was paying more attention to my surroundings and felt more focused in general, on the light, the sounds and people around me which I had all but abandoned mostly in the hours before. I remember looking at the reflections in the water, the moments my nose kissed the water as I moved instinctively through the sensations. Nobody was telling me what to do other than my body. Which leg goes where and what angle to lean on as baby was moving down. I could feel him, cracking me open, internal squeezing beyond my control and I knew he was coming very soon.

I had come back fully into my body and was no longer disappearing into the ether, he was here. I suddenly felt even more alert and focused, well and truly back on earth. The contractions felt different, they were pushing and it was happening regardless of my efforts. I continued movement, changing positions to encourage the openness we needed with occasional suggestions from our midwife. I heard multiple times that giving birth feels like you’re doing a massive poo, and it could not be more accurate, the sheer amount of pressure in your bottom as baby descends is intense and I could have sworn he would be born there rather than vaginally, but it soon passed and I could feel him cracking me open. I sat up on the step of the pool to birth him in what I was told after was the goddess position, a deep deep squat. The pose the ancient goddess depicting birth is pictured in, which was very cool to me as it was totally instinctual for me to take this position.

My waters hadn’t broken so the sac was coming first. This meant baby had padding on his journey out and the sac would assist in initial stretching before his head did. I had wanted to experience the ejection reflex and allow my body to push him in its own time, but I felt such overwhelming urges to consciously push along with it so I began to do so in rhythm with my body's pace. As a wave came I would bare down and actively move him out. The whole experience being so primal. I could feel him emerging and retracting back but with each effort he came a little further out and soon I was able to reach down and feel his sweet little head.

There was only one point our midwife asked me to push and this was due to his little head being about halfway out and with the pressure around it being like an elastic band he couldn’t stay there for too long or he might get stressed. This was something I had read about so knew what she meant and with the next surge I consciously pushed with all my might and then his whole head was between my legs. His little body then rotated and his shoulders came next. I reached down and grabbed him but his legs weren’t born yet. It was absolutely surreal looking down at this little face under the water. With one last effort his little body slipped into the warm water and I lifted him straight onto my chest. Within seconds Trent had burst into tears and emotion enveloped the room as everyone started crying, smiling and laughing.

At 2:22pm Arius was born that Friday afternoon weighing in just under 4kg.

I held him so close, elated and high on happy hormones, switching between our beautiful boy and attempting to comfort Trent who had fallen to pieces in the most beautiful way. Little Arius was rosy red and crying along with everyone else as soon as he came to the surface. Everything was amazing. Perfect. Intense. Beautiful. I held him so close as we sat in the warm water taking each other in and everyone moved around us. Time standing still as I look at him and soaked up the moment. I had done it and was so proud. I felt so strong in all my feminine power.

We sat and gave time for our placenta to birth naturally, Kirsten suggested I feel the cord as it pulsated, pumping all his nourishing blood to his body. We were delaying the cord cutting until it had turned white and finished it’s transfer. After some time I start to feel light contractions and my midwife asked if I could stand up. When I did our placenta slipped into the water along with alot of blood and the clear water turned red. I felt all the weight i’d been carrying for the past ten months disappear along with the pain in my back, and in that moment I knew the pregnancy had finished. We placed the placenta into a bowl and I was helped out of the pool with Arius.

We moved to the lounge where the midwives helped clean some of the blood from my legs to avoid staining our couch. I laid back with Arius as Trent cut his cord. I asked for the placenta to be placed on paper so we could create a blood print before we stored it safely to honour and bury in the garden later.

Arius was on my chest beginning his breast crawl and we had our first breastfeed while everyone began to clear the space around us. Kirsten emptied the pool water onto our lawn and some struggling trees in the front yard (which are now in bloom and a constant reminder of the powerful experience).

I was checked for tearing and had only some labial grazing, no stitches, perineum intact. After some further checks the midwives asked me to stand and use the bathroom. Trent took Arius for his first cuddle and skin to skin while I tried to get up but immediately went faint. I wasn’t able to stand and was very dizzy. They checked my blood pressure and determined I was most likely just very exhausted, I hadn’t eaten, drunk or slept in about 24 hours so was truly running on empty. They waited a little longer while I rested some more, I tried again just was still very faint and sweating alot.

The midwives did have to move on but asked that I get some food, drink and rest asap and if I don’t improve in a few hours I may need to go to the ER. I had lost a fair amount of blood but nothing that was immediately concerning. Our friend came to pick his daughter up and had a celebratory whiskey with Trent. Kirsten stayed with us a while longer before she too headed home. By this time it was the evening.

I had stocked up on delicious snacks to nourish myself through the labour and help to keep my energy up, but I had totally neglected them as I didn’t want to eat or drink throughout. I was so excited to eat them at this point but was soon disappointed to find out that everyone had eaten them over the course of the day and night, which was totally fair but a bit of a bummer. I felt a bit like pizza and wanted to just eat something very heavy so we ordered some and after the food and drink I indeed felt better, all my faintness went away and, I was able to sit up and eventually stand and (sort of) walk around. I barely slept that night, which I attribute to the hormones of birth. I cuddled and tended to Arius and watched Trent as they both slept so deeply, tired in his own right after having not slept since the Wednesday night before

Birthing was an experience I will never forget. I met my edge and my power that day and learnt just how strong I was. It was simultaneously everything and nothing like I had imagined. I wanted to share this story to show that not all births are scary and traumatic, home births are safe, natural birth is possible, pain is manageable without drugs, the immense power of the female body and the sacredness of birth.

I will forever be an advocate of home birthing and will preach about it until it becomes normalised. If we have another child I will do the exact same thing again. Only around 0.3% of women in Australia birth at home which is absolutely astounding to me. My experience was perfect and everything I wanted. I have not a lick of trauma to unpack and gladly revisit the memories over and over, which is such a contrast to the friends, family and followers around me who almost all have some sort of birth trauma or ptsd from being in the system. I was not “lucky” to have a homebirth, I was lucky that my pregnancy had no complications but a lot of research, education and preparation went into home birthing, especially when almost everyone around you tries to talk you out of it. Yes emergencies *can* happen, but MOST of the time, birth is just fine if you let it unfold and don’t interfere.

I can’t imagine it any other way. I’m an open book and am happy to chat and answer any questions anyone might have about home and physiological birth.

A note from Nikola;

You too can have an empowering experience for your first birth! Get in touch with me if you have any questions about homebirth or how we can work together. Let’s chat!

If you would like to share your homebirth story please get in contact with me nikola@illuminatewithnikola.com

Together we can change our birthing culture and make transformational birth normal again.

FTM Homebirth Story: The Birth of Arius

A note from Nikola;

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