She always knew what she wanted when it came to the birth of her first son..

She always knew what she wanted when it came to the birth of her first son, however she hadn't chosen the pathway to get the outcome she wanted… yet. After hours of holding her lower belly and researching her options she decided to reach out to Doulas in the area. WIth absolutely no luck she lost hope of that avenue till a close friend forwarded a link with a list of doulas who were available. Brittany stood out to her, her smile and face seemed soft and trustworthy and I hoped she would play a role in our upcoming birth. They got along and chatted over a cappuccino a few weeks later, with similarities in backgrounds and a connection that she knew would grow - which it did. Over the months leading up to the birth, her partner and Brittany met multiple times discussing birth maps and options available and how to navigate the public hospital system here in Australia. A nearby hospital had been chosen by the birthing team and a birth map had been published. The birthmap’s ideal pathway was a physiological birth without interference, pain medication, vaginal examinations and constant monitoring, The birthing mother felt confident, calm and content in their decisions and her birthing team - they were ready to take on the world or at least start a new world of an exceptional baby boy. It was sunny Sunday and she was 39 weeks and 3 days, she had the urge to sleep the previous 3 days leading up to this day. In hindsight her body knew what she was preparing for even if she didn't know yet. Her other 2 babies, who have tails and fur were out at the park enjoying the sunshine with her partner when she had the feeling of period like cramps in her lower belly - she hadn't felt cramps in close to 9 months - she didn't miss them. Instantly confining in her life partner, they headed home to rest, she noted the time - 2.00pm as she went for another nap and waking at 5.00pm. As she woke she knew labor had begun, she was feeling her first contractions - she shed a tear of excitement and couldn't wait to tell her man.

The pain was minor, and she was consumed with making sure the hospital bag was packed, the candles were lit, towels on the floor - she was ready for the hours to come of laboring at home. Her mother in the other room was notified of the event and a hug was shared and they separated as per the plan of early laboring at home. She knew it was common for young to-be-mothers to crave their mothers presence during birth however this wasn't the case in her situation, she had her birth team perfectly organised; her strong, reliable, fierce partner and her calm, loving, supportive doula and together nothing was going to go wrong, As the night continued she repeated her manta - I trust my baby, I trust my body, I trust my process - and she did. There wasn't a doubt anywhere in her mind - she was meeting her baby boy very soon. In Between contractions she watched her partner text Brittany and time contractions, she tried not to take note as that wasn't her role in this, her role was to breathe through the contractions and focus on delivering a healthy baby. Eventually her partner announced Brittany was on her way, she knew from the birth plan this meant they were going to the chosen hospital soon and the baby should be near. She was happy through the ever growing pain of the contractions growing closer together. By 10pm the car was packed and she was awkwardly in the back on all fours clutching the baby seat, which was soon to hold her baby. They had arrived at the nearby hospital and slowly made it to the birth suit. She had contractions the entire way, howling by this point on any stable object in her path - light pole, plant pot, sliding doors. The reached the suit and the doors opened to what should have been her safety, her birth place, her chosen destination however she wasn't greeted the way she expected, no angel wings on the midwife, no beautiful light and a hot shower rearing to go instead she was met with hospital policies, unwelcoming faces, questions and disturbances and the emotional torment of her birthing team being separated as Brittany wasn't allowed to enter due to missing paperwork - which was not missing on their account. The midwife without her angel wings recited hospital policy and flustered at her birth plan as the impossible could not be achieved. They questioned her position of labor, there was an option she wasn't in labor, to hear those words was insulting and untrue. They demanded a VE to be complete and recited the hospital policy they could not admit her to the ward without completing. She knew deep down the reason for not wanting VE’s was personal and something she shouldn't have to share with a midwife with no angel wings, she was a survivor of another story from a longtime ago, when she was closer to a child then an adult. Her knowing her reasoning felt enough to her however not to them. She gave in, she let them complete the VE and she hated it, she hated her, she hated them, this wasn't what she wanted, this wasn't her dream, she was missing her completed birth team as they continued to refuse to let Brittany through hell's doors. She was told she was 2cm dilated - defeating - how is that so? her contractions are close together and she's in pain, pain that isn't 2cm dilated pain! Wingless midwife said they could offer us the ward as we wait to progress or go home and come back.

She wasn't aware yet, however this was a pivotal moment in her birthing experience, she had a chance at a voice and to stand up for her baby, body and process. “Take me home” she looked into her partners eyes, what she really wanted to say is lets get the fuck out of here as fast as possible, lets never see this wingless policy driven midwife again. They never saw her again. Back at home, in her comforts, fluffy children at her feet, she got the warm shower she had been thinking of, her birth team had come to the terms they were free birthing at home, she was happy, she was content, she trusted her baby, body and process. Her partner was strong, courageous and showed no fear he was feeling, he held her hand through every contraction and coached her through, she knew she loved him at this point, the father of her to be baby boy, he was magical, he was her birthing angel she didn't receive at the hospital. Hours went by, moaning, groaning, sweating, tears, love, joy, hardship and beauty, they must be close to meeting their boy. She had a slight peek out her bedroom window through contractions and saw the rising sun, they had turned a new day, she must be close. Brittany had made an observation that the birthing mother had not been to the toilet for a pee since they began the journey, even after drinking water through all contractions, this was concerning Brittany however they journeyed through. Hours had gone by and the 24 hour mark was long gone, she was starting to feel concerned, losing trust, why isn't her baby boy here yet? He should be here, she started to express her concerns to her birthing team, her fear of something was wrong, it's been to long, its been to painful, she had been in every position, on her knees, in the shower, on her feet, brittany had massaged all her limbs and her partner had been there through every breathe. Tears were flowing more frequently as the concern continued, maybe she couldnt do this, maybe she needed help. Brittany with her wisdom suggested she try a distant hospital as another option, her partner was encouraged by this idea however to her, the thought of facing another wingless midwife filled her with dread, more dread then being unsure of the future at home. She couldn't get back in the car, the contractions were to much, to close, to strong, to powerful, she looked into her strong and fierce partners eyes for guidance, no words, just searching his eyes for answers, she trusted her birth team over everything, they were her people, her safety, they knew what was best. Back on all fours, screaming into the back car seat as they journeyed to the new hospital, she recited her mantra - I trust my baby, I trust my Body, I trust my process, she began to dream of her angel midwife with big beautiful birthing wings, soft lighting, safety and security, she needed to receive this to birth her baby boy, she knew this even if she didn't yet.

The new hospital had no information on the birthing mother as she wasnt an expected guest, they asked their routine questions and began the treatment of what she can only explain as caring and compassion - had she just found what she was looking for? She was skeptical, she wasn't trusting yet until she heard the words that she could stay and receive the treatment all mothers deserve. They performed her dreaded VE, this time it wasnt so bad, it wasn't so scary and violating, was this her new normal? They announced she was 3cm dilated - deflated - again, not possible, the contractions are too much to be only 3cm. Brittany mentioned that the birthing mother had not yet peed, an in-and-out catheter was entered to release the liters of pee in her bowels, was this her answer, why she wasn't progressing, was her roadblock her bladder, it must have been. As she heard the words “we are moving you to the ward” she could see the angel wings appear on the midwife infront of her”, her birth team were right, this was the right decision and she had made the right decision to trust them. The clock had ticked over 30 hours of labor, however she was now in a cozy birth suit, there was a warm shower, birthing balls, her candles and each midwife that entered the room had their angel wings shining. They discussed their birth map with the angels and they adhered to all requests and were focused and determined to respect the birthing mothers plan. The night continued, the contractions were an intensity she had never felt, from the previous 30 hours of labor, her legs shook under her, they couldn't go on, they needed rest and for the first time she layed defeated on her back, which was not part of her birth plan, she never wanted to be on her back on a hospital bed, it seemed unnatural and it seemed weak. She had Brittany on her right and her partner on the left, clutching hands as she howled through the contractions with no break throughout the night, she shaked and cried as she was reaching her capacity of pain. Brittany her birthing team member had sacrificed her own family to be there for the birthing mother for such a long period of time as they approached the 48 hour mark, she needed to be home to her family for the night. The birthing mother who understood this to her core was happy to see Brittany go home to her family, Brittany had been her rock throughout the two days, helping with decisions and supporting her partner support her, she was forever thankful. As the contractions were at the point of unbearable, her body weak, her belly empty, her energy depleted she begged to her team for relief. She was provided with muscle relaxers to give her a short term break which to her felt like an eternity to heal from the experience that had not finished yet.

She woke at 5AM on Tuesday, the sun glaring through the hospital window and her partner sat where she last saw him 3 hours ago, his head on the bed, exhausted, emotionally drained and fast asleep. She knew she made the right decision to take the muscle relaxer not for her, for him, he was also in pain, a different type of pain, the pain of seeing your loved one suffer, the stress of holding it together through the last 48 hours. A midwife appeared, her wings shining, telling them the news that a decision needed to be made, they were to either start inducement or go home. The words chatted through her, she couldn't leave her new found safe place, she wasnt getting into the car and she wasn't going home, she could feel the angel wings fade, not again. Her and her partner discussed the options through the contractions and decided to choose the less desired pathway of her birth map and be inducted. She was scared, she was grieving her original dream birth however she wasn't leaving, she couldn't do that to him, to her baby, The midwife showed her wings again, by offering an option, we will break her waters and give 4 hours before administering oxytocin to start the chemical inductions. She took this option, her waters were released and she began heavy contractions once again, the rest she had taken prior had helped her legs, she was back up standing strong and ready for her baby. Brittany, her birthing partner was working behind the scenes to help the birthing mother by sending over another familiar face from her pregnancy experience - Nikola, also a doula. Nikola brought a new lightness to the labor, she was fresh, new on the scene, she brought music and a new form of strength, not strength like her partner but strength in faith of the mother that her body knew what she was doing. They showered together, breathing through contractions, then allowing her partner to take a departing 45 minute break outside of the suit. He deserved this, in the moment she couldn't thank him for all he had done but she hoped he knew. The midwife appeared into the bathroom with her wings bigger than ever, the biggest she had seen as she announced the birthing mother had entered active labor and no more intervention at this stage was needed. She smiled, she cried, she sang to the music, swaying her hips and making room for her baby's descent into her arms. The happiness traveled from her smile to her uterus to her baby. It was midday on Tuesday, she was now out of the shower, still standing strong, dealing with contractions with her partner and Nikola by her side, words of affirmation were played out and she felt capable. Doctors were appearing in the birth suit, as her heart rate was high, she didn't feel concern for this as they did, she had to focus on her controlled breathing and take sitting breaks through contractions, she trusted the new process. Doctors announced she was dehydrated and a drip must be started, this didn't bother her.

Doctors offered alternative pathways, her and her birth team stood strong, they knew what they wanted and what they definitely didn't. Her partner stood strongest, having conversations with doctors outside of the suit, she didn't have awareness of the words but she trusted him to her fullest, at her weakest, strongest moments. Once again something was not right, she hadn't pee’d a new in-and-out catheter was entered to empty her bladder of 1.5 liters and the doctors decided to put a catheter in for the rest of the journey, this did not bother her. She was notified by a angle midwife they she had now been pushing 4 hours without crowning her baby boys head, and they needed to make more decisions, she was at the stage that she was willing to make choices outside of her original birth pathway to meet her baby boy, they offered instrumental delivery over and over, the consulted their birth map and recalled their decision to choose the suction cap over all other instrumental assistance. She was back on her back, she didn't feel weak this time, she was pushing to her fullest, her strength was new, it was strong, mighty, she looked at her partner, she watched his eyes, she needed the reassurance that she was going to meet her baby boy. The doctor head appeared from her legs with a smile, “ your baby boy is right there, you can do this”, they choose to continue with the help of the suction cap, she screamed, she didnt breath, she pushed with all of her emotions as she felt her baby's shoulders and body come into this world, angel wings around her, her partners eyes on her and on the 77th hour she kissed her baby head for the first time.

Birth Story of Alexander written by Katie (birthing mother)

Katie and Alex - September 2023

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