How to find your ‘Village’
You’ve heard the saying a thousand times: “It takes a village to raise a child,” but it’s so much more than that. I say it takes a village to breastfeed a child or have a mentally and physically thriving (or, let’s face it, surviving) mother.
So, if it takes a village to merely survive through motherhood, who is our village and where do they come from?
The reality is, we don’t live in a village anymore. We are spread further than ever from our family, the generation before us doesn’t always have the option to retire and look after the kids, and most of our friends are at work.
The solution, in my eyes, is getting okay with asking for help and outsourcing. Realizing you need help or direction with some aspects of mothering is a strength, and feeling as though you can reach out to professionals to get that guidance is a superpower.
It can be hard in this society when it feels like it’s all up to us and we don’t deserve help or deserve to spend money on our well-being, but that is simply not true.
You are SO worthy of being nourished, feeling great, and being supported.
The mother is the backbone of the family. When she is supported, everything can run smoothly, and the family will thrive. It’s so much more than just trying to make yourself feel better; there are massive ripple effects when you take charge of your journey, inspiring other moms to cherish themselves too, aswell as the multitude of benefits your family will receive when you are thriving.
Here are some services I recommend outsourcing when you’re planning for a baby or freshly postpartum:
1. Birth Doula: A doula can be there for you emotionally and help you practically plan and prepare for birth and postpartum. Doulas are an invaluable source of knowledge and wisdom that will guide you to follow your intuition and encourage you to trust yourself. Every mother deserves a doula!
2. Postpartum Doula/Nanny: Cooking, cleaning, childminding, care package deliveries, helping you to rest, wisdom on recovery and nourishment, pamper sessions... there isn’t much a postpartum doula can’t help you with. They are an essential postpartum resource.
3. Bodywork in Pregnancy: Yoga, chiropractor, osteopathy, acupuncture… these modalities can all help you lengthen and relax and encourage your babe to get in optimum positioning for birth... win-win!
4. Meal Train: Arrange a meal train or meal delivery service for those early postpartum months. Lunch, dinner, and snacks can be difficult to get around to with a newborn, but we know that food is medicine and nourishing meals are so essential while you’re recovering from pregnancy and birth.
5. A Coach: A life, wellness, or mindset coach can do wonders for your mental state when dealing with new challenges. I found myself needing some help when I had my second bub and noticed myself getting angry with my toddler - not the type of mum I wanted to be! I worked with a mindset coach to integrate mindfulness and other helpful things into my life to be more calm for my kids - such a worthy investment!
6. Counsellor/Emotional Support: Having a professional or trusted person you can go to when things get tough is integral.
7. Lactation Support: If you’re wanting to breastfeed but you’re having some issues, investing in a lactation consultant is THE BEST thing you could ever do - it will end up being cheaper than formula!
I guess the next logical question is how can you afford to outsource all of these things!?
Well, you won’t need them all at the same time, and while I believe you will make it work if it’s something you value (i.e., start valuing your well-being and you’ll find the money to get the help you need), I also understand that you may have just had a baby and you’re not working, maybe you’re on one income, etc. I get that!
I honestly believe we need to educate and prepare families to start saving for these things before you have a baby, so if you plan on having another, consider starting a well-being fund so that you feel able to get the help you need when you need it.
I hope you know how worthy you are and find the resources you desire.
In the beautiful chaos of motherhood, remember that seeking support is a courageous act. Embrace the strength in reaching out, and let your village expand. As a doula, I am here to be a part of your village, offering emotional, physical, mental and practical support. Together, let's empower your motherhood journey.
If you're seeking a dedicated doula and birth bestie please get in touch with me - Nikola from Illuminate with Nikola, and let’s build your village, ensuring you thrive every step of the way. You are worth it!
With Kindness,
Nikola x
Illumnate with Nikola
www.illuminatewithnikola.com